Unhinged

Eaturecray — Igpay

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay isthay eaturecray.

Atinlay Igpay

Instant

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

AWOL

Creature — Elephant Townsfolk

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Bosom Buddy

Creature — Bird

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Cardpecker

Creature — Donkey Townsfolk

Cheap Ass

Enchantment

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return this enchantment to its owner's hand.

Circle of Protection: Art

Creature — Human Gamer

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or this creature this turn.

Collector Protector

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Drawn Together

Creature — Human Rogue

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Emcee

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

Creature — Human Horror

{W}{W}: This creature gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Fascist Art Director

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

First Come, First Served

Legendary Creature — Elephant Rogue

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Frankie Peanuts

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Head to Head

Creature — Human Knight

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Ladies' Knight

Creature — Human Child

Little Girl

As this enchantment enters, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.
All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Man of Measure

Choose one —
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Save Life

Creature — Human Soldier

As long as you're standing, this creature has vigilance.

Standing Army

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Staying Power

Enchantment — Aura

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Wordmail

Creature — Shapeshifter

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

_____

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Ambiguity

Creature — Human Wizard

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters, untap this creature.

Artful Looter

Creature — Avatar

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Avatar of Me

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Brushstroke Paintermage

Creature — Beeble

This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Bursting Beebles

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this creature unless you say its flavor text.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Creature — Efreet

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Cheatyface

Creature — Drake

Flying
When this creature enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Double Header

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Flaccify

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Framed!

{2}: This creature gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap this creature.

Greater Morphling

Legendary Creature — Human Gamer

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Johnny, Combo Player

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Loose Lips

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Magical Hacker

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

Mise

{U}, Say your middle name: This creature gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: This creature gains flying until end of turn.

Moniker Mage

Sorcery

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Mouth to Mouth

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Now I Know My ABC's

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Number Crunch

Creature — Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of this creature?

Question Elemental?

Legendary Creature — Human Designer

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

Creature — Donkey Wizard

Whenever this creature attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, this creature can't be blocked this turn.

Smart Ass

Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Spell Counter

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Topsy Turvy

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

Aesthetic Consultation

Creature — Donkey Zombie

Bad Ass

Creature — Zombie

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice this creature. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Bloodletter

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Booster Tutor

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Enter the Dungeon

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Eye to Eye

This creature enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to this creature, remove an arm or a leg from it.
This creature can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

The Fallen Apart

As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Farewell to Arms

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Creature — Demon Child

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Kill! Destroy!

Creature — Human Cleric

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Mother of Goons

Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

Necro-Impotence

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

Persecute Artist

Creature — Phyrexian Horror

Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice this creature.

Phyrexian Librarian

Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Stop That

Creature — Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Tainted Monkey

Creature — Ooze

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches this creature, that player loses 2 life.

Vile Bile

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Wet Willie of the Damned

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Creature — Mummy

As this creature enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice this creature.

Working Stiff

Creature — Zombie Gamer

As this creature enters, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on this creature.

Zombie Fanboy

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Zzzyxas's Abyss

Creature — Donkey

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Assquatch

Blast from the Past

Goblin

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Creature — Penguin

Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Enchant creature
This enchantment consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Curse of the Fire Penguin

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Deal Damage

Creature — Donkey Barbarian

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.

Dumb Ass

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Face to Face

Creature — Human Bureaucrat

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Frazzled Editor

Creature — Goblin Mime

Goblin Mime

Creature — Goblin Rogue

First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Goblin Secret Agent

Creature — Goblin Warrior

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.